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Boards User Profiles

Articles

jonions has written the following articles:

9374

Disturbed - Stricken

Review by Jeffrey Onions

Damn Darwin for revolutionising our idea of evolution; if God alone was responsible for progression in its many forms, He'd strike down primitive half-wits like Disturbed without a second thought...»

9299

Brendan Benson - The Alternative To Love

Review by Jeffrey Onions

'The Alternative To Love’ is a record that spectra of ears will enjoy. It is as polished as it is surprising. And as enamouring about life as it is dissuasive about love.»

9104

Iain Archer - Flood The Tanks

Review by Jeffrey Onions

Perhaps the whole thing’s relative – after all, you’d much rather a tasteless mate put this on than Gray or Blunt – but the fact is that Flood The Tanks is a decently written, if creatively unspectacular album with a broad appeal...»

8790

Static X - Start A War

Review by Jeffrey Onions

Vocalist Wayne Static bleats as if he's getting shafted by a mechanoid donkey (we don't know what he's been through, he tells us; about a million different Pro Tools settings, we tell him)...»

6210

Avril and Deryck, sitting in a tree...

News by Jeffrey Onions

More-metal-than-your-ma BUT not-as-punk-as-your-baby-brother squeaky teen queen Avril Lavigne is reportedly engaged to Sum 41 goofball Deryck Whibley.»

8417

Celebrity news spew: Chris Martin, Britney Spears, some ol' troll...

News by Jeffrey Onions

Celebrities are great, especially when they're rubbish...»

Comanechi at London Camden Dublin Castle, Tue 10 May

Review by Jeffrey Onions

Comanechi are, on a Polaroid, a marketing man’s sexiest wet dream. But when they play, any plans for calculated commercial enterprise are blown disastrously towards the rock.»

7027

Band bitchin' - Kaisers et al hit back at Oasis

News by Jeffrey Onions

Some bands what were dissed somewhat by ol' big-maaaf Liam Gallagher in the New Musical Express t'other week 'ave hit back at the band what panned 'em, sayin' all kinds of potty-mouthed shite.»

491

Yes it's f*cking political: Ian Brown electioneers...

News by Jeffrey Onions

Today is election day don't cha know. No? Ian Brown does.»

Bands under fire: The Sound Explosion and Kasabian on the injured list

News by Jeffrey Onions

On the operating table they're not, but members of both Kasabian and The Sound Explosion have nonetheless physically suffered for their art in recent days...»

4842

Justin Hawkins: tackles donut, breaks ribs for afters

News by Jeffrey Onions

Justin Hawkins breaks ribs after donut fall...»

5156

Kelly Osbourne: goes to Miami, goes 'dance'

News by Jeffrey Onions

Kelly: likes dance, will party.»

4778

The Mars Volta at London Brixton Academy, Sun 13 Mar

Review by Jeffrey Onions

Astrological readings said something about a soul-searing visitation. Pen-pushing a-holes said something about a review?»

5153

Pass the bucket - pop news to spew to...

News by Jeffrey Onions

Run to the hills! Failing that, get down to Boots and stock up on earplugs. You're gonna need them once these c*nts get back on the radio...»

7542

Man in mask Mortiis hits the road

News by Jeffrey Onions

Mortiis tours; small children reported to be "not at all frightened of the weird bloke in the mask".»

4526

Kings of Leon, The Features at London Brixton Academy, Mon 13 Dec

Review by Jeffrey Onions

DiS sends new kid on the chopping block Jeffrey Onions down to the Brixton ghetto to see if The Features are worth any cop. Oh, and those Kings Of Leon showed up, too. Eventually...»


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