We are by nature a generous people. We want to help. When someone says, "Brother can you spare a dime?" we give them one. Sometimes we'll go upwards of a quarter.

In this spirit I've decided to petition the judge to let Paris Hilton have her iPod. Poor thing. Her tummy is all upset from eating bologna sandwiches. I want to make her stay in the county jail as humane as possible. Because that's what kind of guy I am.

Songs You'll Donate To Paris's iPod!