If you deliberately spunked on Chris Martin's head while he was eating his dinner or just watching TV, do you think he would:

a) stand up, put up his dukes up and offer you outside for a fight

b) not react in the slightest, except to start mumbling something about Jesus

c) become instantly and perpetually catatonic

d) apologise profusely for being in the way, and offer you a cup of tea?

This is THE hot topic of conversation at my work this lunchtime.