When I was 18-20 I was full of musical passion and had so many song ideas floating around my head, used to get so excited about the prospect of being in a band, the ultimate dream

now, as i've dipped my toe in the business getting a contract/ dealing with managers/promoters I feel myself falling out of love with the whole thing.

Perhaps it was just youthful naivity and arrogance, but the whole industry seems so corrupt and bastardised that one wonders if there's any point in making music any more.

Sure its fun to go in my basement and mess around with synths and beats and guitars etc, but to what end? For yourself alone? Well, maybe, but you'd want it to be heard? But then what? What does it all ultimately mean. I used to think that being on The Hype Machine for example, would be amazing. Now that my band are, I just feel nothing. The goalposts will always shift the closer you are to them. Sometimes we have great gigs, sometimes not. Seems it doesn't matter either way really. Its like a hospital flatine with the occasional blip, the occasional moment of creative joy, and then back to drudgery..

Perhaps as you get older its hard to reconcile wanting to do music so much when others around you are training to be doctors/lawyers etc, i don't want to be one of those people who wastes their degree / life chasing a vain dream which probably never existed in the first place. But then, I don't want to become an insurance firm sales rep either.

anyone else identify with this sort of shit right now, or is it just me - here's my band www.myspace.com/beautifulballoonmusic - named after this very user name interestingly - no JAG, just for context. bye bye