1. Largely shit bands, not enough of them
2. Posh twats in glitter are pretty much 100% of the clientele
3. Focus on non-music festival bits are largely bouncy castle wahey banteriffic silliness or twee tosh
4. Too many hills
5. Shit forest bit
6. Food options not that great
7. Cambridgeshire
8. Dunno
9. Having a "vibe" or a theme thrust upon everyone like some sort of weird cult
10. That picture at the top of the 10 Reasons to go to the Secret Garden Party article

It was an advert dressed as journalism anyway though, right?