Has been posted already? I can't be bothered to trawl through the four pages of today's social banter to find out. He makes obvious points, but it's still funny.

"New rave" is a young person's musical movement designed to cruelly remind thirtysomethings that their youth, which occurred during the "old" rave movement, is now firmly behind them. The inclusion of 900-year-old "original raver" Tracey in the current series of Big Brother merely serves to underline the fact.

In common with original ravers, new ravers feel compelled to don fluorescent clothing, leap up and down, and wave luminous glowsticks in order to blend seamlessly into a crowd of their peers.

Youth aside, the main difference between new and old ravers is the width of their trouser legs: whereas old ravers favoured a baggy, loose-fitting cut, new ravers like to emphasise their youth by squeezing their legs into tight fabric tourniquets that would challenge the bloodflow of a mantis.

Prominent new rave acts include The Klaxons, Shitdisco, New Young Pony Club, and probably loads of others, all of whom the NME decided to lump together one afternoon when it didn't have anything better to do and figured that it might as well try to define an era before hometime.

New Britpop is currently scheduled to begin in October of this year."