1. Ducklings do not feel pain if you sing Barry Manilow to them on wednesday

2. Disco is mankind's true first language

3. The earth was created four months ago by a rogue dogbeast from the galaxy of Znadzor. All memories prior to this date are implants.

4. The number of roads a man must walk down before you can call him a man is equal to the sum of the squares on the two adjacent sides.

5. The Great Wall of China is the only man made landmark visible from Spain.

6. People called Simon have no soul.

7. If you walked backwards round the circumference of the world you would rewind time to the day before Princess Diana died.

8. If you give blood then the person who receives it is officially your boyfriend.

9. All hats contain rabbits but only Paul Daniels can see them, interact with them, and stop their evil plans.

10. That girl you see every day on the way to work totally fancies you.