Morning football fans. Here's my picks of today's football-related crap-o-rama.

Sam Allardyce is the Premier League boss Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho would least like to pick a fight with. (Daily Mail)

HA!

Chelsea will have up to 4,000 empty seats at Stamford Bridge for their Champions League tie against Rosenberg, despite reducing the cost of adult tickets to £36. (Various)

HA!

Portsmouth boss Harry Redknapp is keen on signing out-of-favour Liverpool striker Peter Crouch in January's transfer window. (Daily Express)

HA!

Gabriel Heinze was so confident of his move to Liverpool from Manchester United that he celebrated by buying a brand new £74,000 Porsche. But when the move went pear-shaped, Heinze, who eventually joined Real Madrid, was forced to sell it back for a £7,000 loss. (Daily Mail)

HA!