There's like, gunge all over the camera lens and in the screen. I haven't got a fucking clue how any of it gets there since there aren't any openings I'm aware of. The battery life is a joke. A joke that lasts 10 minutes. And it crashes. For someone that grew up in the generation where phones were just circuits which physically couldn't not work unless you smashed them.

It's done.

Your mission, should you choose to accept it: Recommend me a new phone.