aloud to the entire office.

We do not care what you eat.

You can gorge yourself to death on a lethal lardy/saccharine cocktail of sausage rolls/pasties/crisps/peanuts/chocolate/cake and sweets for all we care, but for the love of god stop making these piss poor token efforts to appear as if you're actually taking your health seriously.

Use the stairs, eat less and haul your considerable arses more you lazy salad dodging oxygen thief whales.

Also, Diet Coke is not a magic potion and never will be.

That is all.