On the bus this afternoon, coming home, I've decided the thing I hate most with sharing transport with the public is their lack of personal hygiene.

I had to go and sit up near the back because loads of old people got on, and there was this huge, fat horrid creature. He had a shaved head, but with one of those filthy pony tails sticking out and all platted, like some horrible gypsy or something.

He smelt like the changing rooms at school. Damp, musty sweat. Everyone who isn't a moron breathes through their nose, and so every breath was like having a big fat armpit spread over my defenceless nostrils.

There's no real excuse for letting yourself get like that. If he had money to be getting a bus, he surely had money to clean himself.

There should be two bus types. One for clean, undangerous commuters who need to get places fast, and one for old people and filth-ridden scumbags. The latter should be free, provided by the government, and you HAVE to go to the bus that best fits you, or you get thrown off.