When you're in a serious game of professional football, and they bring on a real man. With a massive beard. A man who drinks lager by the pint. And eats pies. With chips. Or mash. But more likely both at the same time.

Jon Parkin is that man. 'The Beast'. He looks like a buffalo, but somehow contrives to be wherever the ball is, butterfly like.

Let's have a round of applause for Jon Parkin. Or as I like to call him: Bamos II.