1. 13 HOURS OF WAP - no, not the erotic thriller. That is the time between me perusing the mobile internet last night and me looking at my phone this morning to see myself still connected. Can't wait for that bill to come through!

2. I am bleeding out of the nose and the anus. My diagnosis: necrotising fascitis. Im also have a cold

3. The bank has decided to charge me $50 with no warning and for seemingly no reason. This took me over my overdraft so they'll get to charge me again. FUCKERS

4. Pretty much all of my colleagues are having a party during today, and since i'm a lowly temp i have to stay behind to man the fort. This means i'll be doing about 6 people's jobs