I'm sorry but you've driven me to this.

I know you think it's a rioutous entertaining percussive tour de force but I don't want to go all the way to The Ambassadors Theatre to watch what I regard as 2 hours of people banging on fucking bin lids.

I don't appreciate that when either my acquaintances (some as young as 26 or 27) or I denounce the "show" as a 5 minute hippy-fried whim stretched over hours and sold to a terminally gormless public, you either

a) completely lose it and fly into a fit of rage, pushing them through the doors and even pickpocketing them for the ticket money. or

b) get them so drunk (and always with that creepy thermos of lukewarm Irish Coffee, made a million times creepier by its belt-holster...is this what tequila girls look like in Sheff??). You know for a fact they'll only either vomit on the tourists actually 'enjoying' the grotesque spectacle or snore through the (mercilessly few) quiet bits.

£25 a ticket isn't cheap - We all shudder to think of where this greasy income stems from. Sometimes it's better not to know I guess, but what did that ever do for the world?

Yeah I'm sorry but then again I'm not.

GROW

UP

IT'S

ONLY

FUCKING

TAP

DANCING

AND

SMACKING

RUBBISH.