I assume HT27 is not online today, so I will take over his esteemed role.

Portugal breeze past the Czech Republic 3-1, with Ronaldo giving that big game peformance on the International stage. Deco and Quaresma add to 'Britains favourite player's goal. Numerous fantasy football competitors breathe a sigh of relief.

In the other game, Switzerland are the first team out, losing 2-1 to Turkey. I didn't see the game, but by all accounts it sounded ridiculous. Analysis please!

Today sees Germany take obn Croatia (1-1 methinks) and Austria battle Poland (2-0 Poland)

In domestic issues:

Big Phil Banks becomes Chelsea manager. Carlton is said to come in as his number 2. Geoffrey is undecided as to whether he wants to leave Bel Air at this time.

Scolari to be gioven £100 million to spend, £55 million of which is earmarked for Kaka.

Shearer turns down Blackburn. Fuck it.

Arsenal want Yaya Toure in any deal for Alex Hleb with Barcelona.

The gunners also linqued with Roque Santa Cruz. Can't see it myself.

Lucas Podolski is a £20 million target for Sparky's Man City revolution.

Leeds are in for David Healy

Barcelona have joined Real Madrid in the competition to sign Hibernian forward Steven Fletcher