I'm at work, and my mobile rings. The bloke on the other end says he's seen my cv online and thinks he may have a job I'd be interested in going for.

"Great. What's the position?" I say, thinking that this nerk has bothered to look through said CV, see that I have done two years of journalism and associated industries.

"Mortgage Adviser"

WHAT....THE...FUCK? You're probably on £30k plus and that's the effort you put in

You utter cocksplash.