1. As I was walking up the stairs just, hitching my jeans up in a rather unattractive manner, I realised that I forgot to wear a belt today. This is not good. You know your memory is bad when you forget to put an essential item of clothing on.

2. I made sandwiches this morning, but I have a really bad hangover and a slight craving four soup. If I bought say, some tomato soup at lunchtime, and dipped my ham butties into it, would that be skanky or delightful?

3. I got the wrong nightbus home last night and then in my drunken stupor got off that bus about eight stops too early, meaning that I walked for about 45 minutes through Peckham in the wee small hours. I also chundered outside Morrisons. When was the last time you were sick through drinking? Or got off the bus too early? Or feared for your life on a gangsta-ridden council estate?

4. I'm writing a news story at the moment about a chap called Dick Brittle. 'LOL'.