I've been in London for 9 years and no matter how much I really really really want to move away I just can't tear myself away from the place. Every time I visit some genteel likeable area of the UK I always start thinking about the brain crushing parochial triva aspect of the place and start feeling blocked in and petty. Why is this? Of course if you grew up in the backwards sticks like I did then I suppose its the fear of being made to go back there, but really London is noisey, self obsessed, full of horrible nasty transitories of all races and backgrounds and is covered wall to wall with other people's shit. However I love the place and can't imagine living anywhere else when you weigh up the things about the place you love. But is it ok to be Londoncentric when you're not 'from' there and is surely 9 years too long if you're not from there?

Bless me, I think I've got my own column. what a simpleton.