I'm so sorry you've been poor all week, y'know that bacs payment I promised to do after the timesheet screw up last week? Well I did it to the wrong Miranda. LOLZ. So - she's actually got your monies.
Sincerely,
Your really stupid agency

Dear Ms Miranda
Remember that text we sent saying your home internet would be turned on on the 18th after BT and us screwed it up three times? And remember when you called us yesterday and we said 'have patience lady, it will be on by midnight'. Well, we were only having a laugh. We know that means you can't work from home today even though your boss is not in and really you should have a nice lazy day, but, quite frankly, we don't give a shit. ROFL.
Sincerely,
02 Broadband

WHERE THE FUCK ARE THE COMPETENT PEOPLE OUT THERE?? GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

:)