Now, I don't want anyone to get me wrong in this thread, so I'll make myself clear from the start; some of my best friends are women, you're lovely and soft and I'm sure y'all fulfill a use or two.

Ok? Ok.

However - you are all leaden footed as fuck. What is it with the stomping about? The sound of two women walking together down a corridor was recently ranked by sound experts as somewhere between standing next to the speakers at a Napalm Death concert and hiding in the engines of a soon-to-depart jet plane as damaging to your ears. Is it the shoes? Do women produce a huge amount of down force when walking because of different muscular make-up to men? I can glide in and out of a room without anyone noticing, as meths will testify to when he found that box of Milk Tray on his bedside cabinet the other morning. So why is it?

Thanks for listening.

I AM THE CHANNEL