From The Indpendent: Minister for Culture, Media and Sport, Andy Burnham, has added his voice to the growing criticism of the BBC's April Fool's story about former England international footballer Alan Shearer becoming the new manager of Newcastle United FC. Said Mr. Burnham, "A joke is fine, but thousands of honest hard-working Geordies are very upset. Many of these people vote Labour and so I am quite angry about this, and intend to make several, vague, non-committal statements about it, frequently."

Earlier, one season ticket holder said, "I was happy, like, but now I feel sad."

Alan Shearer was unavailable for comment, but was seen at a bar having a good laugh with Roger Mosey.

Pissed-up, fat-bastard, Cockney tosser Mike Ashley denied some things and then stated that Newcastle City were his only concern and he would do anything.

Joe Kinnear has accepted the manager's job at Barcelona, and at AC Milan, simultaneously. Joey Barton has signed for both clubs.