Ladies, when you are engaging in the physical act of love. Do you enjoy having them forcefully played with or tenderly stroked?

I never seem to get this right. My missus says that it depends what mood she's in. Sometimes she likes a firm hand, and sometimes she wants a soft caress.
Is there a right way and a wrong way of going about this?

Cheers.

A man of my age should know this, but I'm ashamed to say I don't.