Some prick who I'd never laid eyes on before in my life was standing there, for some reason at one side of the sink rather than in front of it, pissing into our sink.

Our sink is RIGHT by the door, so I walked in unawares and ended up centimetres from his face. Eye contact with a guy simultaneously pissing in your sink is weird eye contact.

I wasn't sure what the etiquette was, so I went out and waited on the couch for him to emerge so I could ask who the fuck he was - in the meantime my massively drunk flatmate stumbled in the door, which meant he was either a friend or a one night stand-elect. While I was deciding what I was going to say to him, the bathroom door opened and he started hovering around in our darkened hall - hilariously spending 5 minutes trying to avoid coming past the door to the lounge, until my flatmate regained sentience and went to grab him and shuffle him upstairs, where she evidently fucked this mystery pisserman. This was a Tuesday.

Message to my flat: STAY CLASSY