Phil Daniels cries over spilt Mod and soils Deborah's ''goat crust'' in an alleyway, while Sting dances like a Happy Shopper Ian Curtis to a soundtrack that has a paedo on guitar.

Hugh Grant's hair flops for left to right to left to right to left to right from left to right...and starts a gale that knocks Gina McKee off a horse, meaning she has to remain in a wheelchair for the duration of the film. Julia Roberts smiles at the lack of black faces in West London.