They finally managed it. I just saw a suit walking along a street in Mayfair, and suddenly about a half dozen pigeons went flying straight at his face, and in the course of trying to block them from entering his mouth he managed to throw his briefcase in the air, which burst open on the ground, spilling paper and bits of sandwich everywhere.

The pigeons of London just issued a press release saying ‘it took us 2000 years but we got there – we humiliated a man by making him spill his briefcase in public. Our work here is done. We will be leaving this city as of midnight tonight. God speed, Masturbatrixes’

All true.