a little pantomimic guessing game to keep the analysis tip top and fizzing on the ears

(normally on the third or fourth incident featuring the same player)

''the ball's eventually worked around the back, crossed into the penalty box.....and who's there?....hangeland another with fine clearance''

''nani pulls out wide and takes a look nack across the pitch.....and who is it making room for the pass?.....wayne rooney''

who is it......who?......who is it alan. you need to tell us al....pleeeeeeasee.....please al, you fucking scotch tease-cake.

WHO THE FUCK IS IT?