There are no teabags in the kitchen. Shall I take some money from petty cash and pop to the shops?

No.

I have to email some joker in SW1 to notify them so they can get the onsite maintenance staff to 'replenish' our teabag levels. I have so far received this:

"Thank you for your request. This is an automated response to acknowledge that we have received your email. You will be sent an event number with request details and estimated time of completion."

Ooh it's like Dilbert or something.