first time i've seen my stokie pal since june time. this is honestly the first thing he said to me.

'ay up mate, ow at?'

'y'alright mate?'

*embrace*

'so...hows it going, whas the craic?'

'bit iffy up here to be honest mate'

'oh yeah?....what's up?'

'you know the lad with the big head from the pub....man utd fan'

'yeah, vaguely'

'had a bit of mither with him'

'shit, what happened' (was blood shed?...were punches thrown?...did he steal some money?...sleep with his bird??)

'fucker only sat in my seat at the pub the other night'

'oh....bloody he...that's...er...that's...that's fucking not on that mate'

'couldn't believe it mate...i get up....out for a fag....ten minutes later, he's sat in my fucking seat. couldn't believe it'

'fuck...what a cunt'

'pfff...unbelievable ma mate...unbelievable'

*stares into the middle distance*

'unbelievable'

ahh....once upon a time in the midlands.