In fact, I think it's fair to say I have a phobia of them. I don't like the way toes look, all toe-y and weird. I don't like the calloused heel, either, which always turns yellow. I dislike the pads underneath the foot, too, just below the toes. How they're all chubby and gross.

They stink, too, do feet. It's the worst smell in the world. I'm assuming that rotting corpses and dead herbivores don't smell nearly as bad as feet.

An old girlfriend once asked me to give her a foot massage and after five minutes I had to excuse myself and throw up in the toilet.

It wasn't just her, either; my own feet make me feel ill. I wish I had hands below my ankles instead of feet.

Also, another ex asked me to suck her toes in the bedroom once. They came within two inches of my mouth before I again excused myself and went to throw up.

I think people with foot fetishes are scum. Total, 100%, pure scum. They should be rounded up and beheaded. This is also why I have lost much respect for Tarantino. Every time I watch Pulp Fiction or Kill Bill, I have to turn away at the bit where he shows an unnecessary shot of Uma Thurman's weird floppy feet.

In conclusion, feet get:

0/10