Right now I only have one pair of suit trousers. I put the others in to be dry cleaned and then misplaced the ticket and forgot. Maybe they're still there but as yet I've been too embarrassed to go back into the dry cleaners to try to get them back. They're well over 10 years old anyway.

Just now I, erm, 'adjusted' myself at my desk and realised I could feel my boxer shorts. A quick trip to the toilet has confirmed that the crotch of my trousers is pretty much non-existent! One false squirm and it could all be very embarrassing. And I'm in the Basildon office so I can't even run over to M&S/Next for a replacement pair.

ARGH!