I'm working my first weekend shift tomorrow and as I left the office this evening my boss threw the work mobile at and told me to use it for all calls etc.

But here's the thing. I don't actually know how to turn it on. It's an old-ish Nokia (a brand which, apparently unlike the rest the population, I've never actually owned), with a tiny nubbish joystick in the middle. I've pressed and prodded every button for every length of time, but nothing.

I feel so pathetic I want to cry. But then I thought, visit the friendly forums of Drowned in Sound where once I roamed and face the help and torrent of textual abuse with humour and good grace.

Bring it on. Please.