Tomorrow my little niece is having her birthday party at my house (long story). I mean a proper party too, with dozens of other little kids running screaming around the place. I hate kids. Really, really can't stand them. I can't bear the idea of a small battalion of the little shits running around my house, fucking with my life*, pissing on the banister and vomiting on the dog. No money to go out, though, so I'm stuck there all day.

*for four hours.

How would you advise I get through the day?