Cashley's definitely leaving Chelsea. Definitely. Because he might get a bollocking for being a saucy little bugger. Madrid, Barca, Inter, Man City and various glamour girls await his 'come and get me plea'.

Barca vs Stuttgart could be good tonight, is Hleb allowed to play? Olympiakos play Bordeaux in tonight's other Champo Leaguo fixture.

United play the Whammers tonight looking to go within a point of Chelsea and 5 clear of Arsenal, which can of course be reversed at the weekend when United are busy at Wembley pretending to take things seriously whilst conversly picking Anderson.

Ancelotti, seemingly in commomn with everyone in Italy, doesn't like Mourinho. Luckily Jose likes himself plenty.

Lee Cattermole is going to buy Portsmouth.

Gareth Barry is happy he chose City over Liverpool in the summer. Which sounds more of an indictement of Liverpool than anything else.

Tevez's agent/owner/master/bestest friend Kia Joorabchain says he'll be back in time for the Chelsea game on Sunday. Neatly avoiding a soggy trip to the Brittania on Wednesday night.