After dinner on Easter Monday, when the women of the house go into the kitchen to wash-up, it is, of course, traditional in Britain for the men of the family to play this ancient game.

What top strategies do you employ to ensure that you don't have to eat the jizz-sodden biccie?

Here's one of my favourites to get you started:

During the final course of the Easter dinner I'm mostly eating with just one hand. The other is under the table in my trouser pocket working my cock and nuts, to maintain a state of heightened arousal, in preparation for the challenge. The beauty of this one is that if you go too far and come at the dinner table then later you can wipe the jizz of the inside of your pants and fling it on the biscuit having made the requisite cum-face and grunt.

I've also tried a fake latex cock with buttercream filling but my uncle saw through that one straight away.