Above our office are several stories of apartments. As we speak, four floors up there are a group of tiny ducklings on a locked private balcony and one by one they’re jumping, at the rate of about one per minute for maximum drama, into the mud below and either dying or injuring their legs – there’s a few staggering around in the slush (we’re right by the Thames and the tide is out).

One will edge forward and sit blankly on the ledge for about 30 seconds then all of a sudden do a little jump and plunge over the side. Pretty much the most unbearable thing I’ve ever seen