And failed...obviously. This should be no problem for members of this board. I’m just going to go for a lucky dip here here in my own massive arsenal of foolishness

When I was fifteen I borrowed my friend’s brother’s motor scooter to go to the corner shop and get a bottle of coke. When I came out there were three slightly older girls from my school sitting on the ledge of the shop opposite, so naturally I thought that I would do a massive loud kickstart (of this 50cc squirrel of a bike) and spin past while my hair flickered away in the wind. Maybe a toot and a wink if all went well.

Instead, not having ridden it before, I tried to start the engine but instead instantly zoomed forward into the bollard in front, slumped over the handlebars, the Coke bottle went flying out of my hand, starting fizzing everywhere as it hit the ground, and - best of all – a supermarket shopping bag, which must have been stashed under his bike seat and come flying out in the impact, inflated with a FWWOOOFFF into a sort of makeshift balloon and floated EXTREMELY slowly away from the scene, like one of those Japanese funeral lanterns. Good times for coolness.

Vous?