Real and Atletico kick eachother for an inevitably dire ninety minutes with the only possible interesting #narrative being Fernando Torres capping a bizarre career full circle by lifting the big-eared cup.

Hull dash the traditionalists hopes by seeing off Sheffield Wednesday at Wembley. Something about Barnsley. Hopefully Wimbledon can win.

Men up and down the country sit aimlessly staring at walls trying to think of something to do until 5pm. Think i'll make some eggs, watch re-runs of old finals and get on the spiced rum.