Euro 2016 semifinal #1
Portugal v Wales
ITV1 8 PM

The Brexiteers are meeting the custard tart munchers for a place in the final. The game is being played in Lyon, a city twinned with Birmingham. 20,000 Welsh fans are expected to attend. Wales haven't beaten Portugal since 1951. Portugal are considered the home team for the game, meaning Wales will have to wear their charcoal and green away kit.

For the neutrals it's a choice between Bale (bit of a dick) and Ronaldo (massive dick). My money is on 0-0 and a penalty shoot-out. Odds for that are 11/2.

AOB?