Logo
DiS Needs You: Save our site »
  • Logo_home2
  • Records
  • In Depth
  • In Photos
  • Blog
  • Podcast
  • Search
  • Community
  • Records
  • In Depth
  • Blog
  • Community

THIS SITE HAS BEEN ARCHIVED AND CLOSED.

Please join the conversation over on our new forums »

If you really want to read this, try using The Internet Archive.

702

feature

Totally Not Cool Things To Do With Your Mobile Phone
Totally Not Cool Things To Do With Your Mobile Phone
shadyadie by [redacted] September 10th, 2001
You have a fab new phone. It has WAP and everything. GRATE! You are the essence of yuppie cool. Or so you think…

Top 5 Phone Annoyances

1. “I’M ON A TRAIN!”
You will shout this loudly into your phone and then laugh wildly at the thought of having committed one of the biggest mobile phone clichés of all time. To be different, you might shout “I’M ON A TRAIN” whilst you are not on a train, but on a bus. This makes you no cooler. Pretending to use your phone on a plane (“I’M ON A PLANE!”) is only slightly cooler. The totally not cool option is to actually use your mobile on a plane – it of course causes the wings to fall off and the engines to set fire and kill you to death.

2. Talking loudly
You will shout “I’M IN THE LIBRARY” or wherever matches your surroundings in an attempt to mimic ‘Triggy Happy TV’ funnyman Dom Jolly and his big giant phone, without realising it makes your comic genius more akin to that of Bobby Davro. Or Richard Blackwood.

3. Leaving it ringing
You clearly hear your phone ringing but decide to leave it so that everyone in the near vicinity can hear you wacky theme tune to ‘Countdown’ ringtone (which you of course have on full volume).

4. Stopping in your tracks to send a text message (aka ‘txt msg’)
You suddenly stop walking along the pavement as the need to send a txt msg, telling your best friend you just walked past a funny-looking dog, has become too great. Thus everyone else has to walk round you, the god of all phones. Of course the only cool option is to send your txt msg whilst still walking and not looking at your phone (there are university courses you can take to gain a crucial qualification in this).

5. Shoving it down your pants/up your bum
Please note that the vibrate option was not built for that purpose.

Feel free to add to this list. ;-)



LATEST


  • Why Music Journalism Matters in 2024


  • Drowned in Sound is back!


  • Drowned in Sound's 21 Favourite Albums of the Year: 2020


  • Drowned in Sound to return as a weekly newsletter


  • Lykke Li's Sadness Is A Blessing


  • Glastonbury 2019 preview playlist + ten alternative must sees

Share on
   
Love DiS? Become a Patron of the site here »




LATEST

    news


    Why Music Journalism Matters in 2024

  • 106145
  • news


    Drowned in Sound is back!

  • 106143

    news


    Drowned in Sound's 21 Favourite Albums of the Y...

  • 106141
  • news


    Drowned in Sound to return as a weekly newsletter

  • 106139

    Playlist


    Lykke Li's Sadness Is A Blessing

  • 106138
  • Festival Preview


    Glastonbury 2019 preview playlist + ten alterna...

  • 106137

    Interview


    A Different Kind Of Weird: dEUS on The Ideal Crash

  • 106136
  • Festival Review


    Way Out East: DiS Does Sharpe Festival 2019

  • 106135
MORE


    news


    The Neptune Music Prize 2016 - Vote Now

  • 103918
  • Takeover


    The Winner Takes It All

  • 50972

    Takeover


    10 Things To Not Expect Your Record Producer To...

  • 93724
  • review


    The Mars Volta - Deloused In The Comatorium

  • 4317

    review


    Sonic Youth - Nurse

  • 6044
  • feature


    New Emo Goth Danger? My Chemical Romance confro...

  • 89578

    feature


    DiS meets Justice

  • 27270
  • news


    Our Independent music filled alternative to New...

  • 104374
MORE
Drowned in Sound
  • DROWNED IN SOUND
  • HOME
  • SITE MAP
  • NEWS
  • IN DEPTH
  • IN PHOTOS
  • RECORDS
  • RECOMMENDED RECORDS
  • ALBUMS OF THE YEAR
  • FESTIVAL COVERAGE
  • COMMUNITY
  • MUSIC FORUM
  • SOCIAL BOARD
  • REPORT ERRORS
  • CONTACT US
  • JOIN OUR MAILING LIST
  • FOLLOW DiS
  • GOOGLE+
  • FACEBOOK
  • TWITTER
  • SHUFFLER
  • TUMBLR
  • YOUTUBE
  • RSS FEED
  • RSS EMAIL SUBSCRIBE
  • MISC
  • TERM OF USE
  • PRIVACY
  • ADVERTISING
  • OUR WIKIPEDIA
© 2000-2025 DROWNED IN SOUND