THIS SITE HAS BEEN ARCHIVED AND CLOSED.

The stopcock clasping Tom Clarke’s jowls together has been sabotaged by some misguided plumber again, The Enemy frontman's lips parting to leak putrid nonsense out across the pages of the Daily Star again this morning. Fortunately, DrownedinSound’s here to mop the fuck up.

The first, and perhaps most predictable case, Clarke and band decided to make during their day’s guest editorship of the Star’s Playlist column was that the Arctic Monkeys have “lost it a bit since they started wearing fancy dress.

“Their first vid, for I Bet You Look Good On The Dancefloor, is one of the best ever,” they continue. “It’s a bunch of working class lads belting out a tune they’re passionate about,” passion, the ability to belt out a tune and membership of the working class being the Holy Trinity of Clarke’s broad musical church, you’ll probably remember.

Unfortunately for Arctic Monkeys, they seem to’ve forgotten, and subsequently find themselves ostracised from that church.

“But now they’re turning up to things dressed as clowns and English country gents it’s as if they’ve forgotten where they came from,” the article continues.

Sour grapes easily squashed by bigger musical minds, you think, ‘til you learn that, no, The Enemy’s persistent hate-campaign against Arctic Monkeys is not an attempt to latch on limpet-like to the hull of a superior band.

“However, their second is boring. It’s a let-down. And there’s no need to dress like clowns.”

Those clown dressed fucks.

Moving on, another article picks up on a less bruised target, clumsily honing in on the increasingly fuzzy shape of Michael Eavis and Glastonbury festival. Not to worry though, Mr Eavis, you can go back to dithering over lax carbon emissions and how to win back the youth vote, or something, as the claim the band make is an utterly ridiculous one.

In what the band warn us is a “bold statement” they suggest that the festival considers changing dates as “facing facts, the weather is pretty much always terrible”.

Glastonbury 2008 runs, as usual, in the last weekend of June. Sometime from the 27th ‘til the 29th The Enemy will be performing. Ticket registration for the event has now closed.