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Madonna’s 50 and she’s still sexually active. And you know you want her. She knows. Come now, no need for embarrassment – she’s still hot! She’s still got it! Yeah. You want it. Blatantly.

Madonna will embark upon a world tour later this year so that we can all celebrate the fact that her glands are still secreting together. That's what pop music's about, man. And though it’d probably be more apt to call it ‘feedbag’, ‘dog’s dinner’ or ‘pig trough’ she’s called it ‘Sticky and Sweet’. Yeah, she’s still got it. You want it. You do.

What an intolerable fucking hag.

August
23 Cardiff Millennium Stadium
26 Nice, France Stade Charles Ehrmann
28 Berlin, Germany Olympic Stadium

September
2 Amsterdam, Holland Arena
4 Dusseldorf, Germany LTU Arena
6 Rome, Italy Olympic Stadium
9 Frankfurt, Germany Commerzbank Arena
11 London Wembley Stadium
20 Paris, France Stade de France

October
3 East Rutherford, US Izod Centre
6 New York City, US Madison Square Garden
7 New York City, US Madison Square Garden
15 Boston, US TD BankNorth Garden
18 Toronto, Canada Air Canada Centre
22 Montreal, Canada Bell Centre
26 Chicago, US United Center
30 Vancouver, Canada BC Place Stadium

November
1 Oakland, US Oracle Arena
4 San Diego, US Petco Park
6 Los Angeles, US Dodger Stadium
8 Los Angeles, US MGM Grand Garden Arena
11 Denver, US Pepsi Center
16 Houston, US Minute Maid Park
19 Philadelphia. US Wachovia Center
22 Atlantic City, US Boardwalk Hall
24 Atlanta, US Philips Arena
26 Miami, US Dolphin Stadium

Tickets go on sale at 9am next Friday the 16th of May. She also plays Radio 1’s free Big Weekend this weekend - details.