It’s two worlds, colliding: the natural and supernatural battling it out over 13 tracks of the most insanely camp metal ever. It’s Lord Of The Rings coming to your town and butt-plugging Slayer into the mains. It’s funnier than watching Pig Destroyer cover Britney Spears (please, Lord, make it happen).

But then, you already knew all that.

Three Inches Of Blood aren’t big or clever. Nor, it should be said, are their songs. Nor, it should be doubly stressed, is rehashing ‘Destroy The Orcs’ for this Roadrunner debut when it was on the band’s debut proper, Battlecry Under A Winter Sun. Then again, it does sound fucking fantastic when it slashes its way into your headphones come track 11.

Oh, do the math: Iron Maiden Judas Priest Orcs Goblins Ghouls Pirates Fighting Fantasy Tight Leather Pants Battleaxes Castles Witches Warlocks METAL.

I mean, just look at that cover. Says it all...