So Joss Stone is tipped for greatness in 2004, huh? Not if someone can get hold of this teen nu-Mariah Carey bint and shake some fucking sense into her first.

Covering the White Stripes in Aretha Franklin styleeee? Making a slightly shit thing absolutely unavoidable, mind-numbing dick dribble? Becoming musically and culturally redundant but making sure you sell discs by the vanload? If that’s what passes for ‘potential’ nowadays, it’s about time for us all to check into the mythical big concert hall in the sky.

Luckily, there are still some sane people in the world, and nobody under the age of 40 who works outside middle management will go within 50 feet of buying a record baring the name of Ms Stone anyhow. And so the globe continues to spin and we can all return to normality.

Bollocks. She’s gonna be huge. Sew up your ears.