So, I’m with my parents at their local church meeting. I am like, So totally bored and I’m trussed up like some virginal freak (as if!). Anyways, to relieve the boredom I slide my head phones up into my ears and cover them with my hair. The yeah yeah yeahs are like hanging out in my cd player, singing something about having a _‘date with the night’.

As the music kicks in I start to watch mom and dad as they shake people's hands and smile like morons. I yawn as the beats in my ears start to kick in, and then.. and then something weird starts happening to my body. I start to get hot underneath my stiff collar. My dress starts to feel tight. I think I might be fitting. I’m on the floor, my hips are writhing up and down, strangely in time to the manic head fuck of garage rock and Karen O’s whining. She sounds like Patti Smith and Debbie Harry’s bastard child, though I don’t think they’d be too happy about that.

Anyways, I’m on the floor and I’ve got my white panties (the ones that mom makes me wear) somewhere around my ankles and I’m making like the chick in the Exorcist, though my head aint spinning.

‘Gonna walk on water’ Karen hisses, like the snake after eve ate the apple.

‘I’ll set you. I’ll set it off. I’ll set you, I’ll set it off. Off Off Off .’

I can feel my pulse quicken as I start to scream in time to Karen O. Oh Oh Oh..it's like the night I spent with Brad, the gardener. My back up against the garden shed.Oh Oh _Oh…OH HOLY SHIT. Everyone is staring down at me on the floor, and then I realise the song has ended. I don’t know what came over me, but the priest has a smile on his face and I’m sure he winked at me.

I pull my panties up around my hips to try and hold my dress together where the button's popped. I’m sweaty and there ain't no way to hide it. In an attempt at redemption I yell:

‘Oh help me lord I have sinned. Rock music has taken over my body and I can’t help myself.’ Mom and dad look on in horror. ‘Satan made me do it.’ I yelp.

I don’t think mom and dad will be going back to the church. Not like, until hell freezes over.